For those of you who are confused about my sentiment toward music, allow me to clarify:
Music is not my sole reason for living. I do not idolize it. It will not be the last word I utter on my deathbed.
I used to think the opposite of those three statements, but I found myself stuck in a stalemate of uncertainty. It made music less enjoyable for me, because the stakes were so much higher. I was stressed out about it. I started to resent it.
I’ve been going through a lot of changes and realizations lately; and although I have not yet arrived to where I want to be, I found that there are far more things to life than simply music. It is but one of my MANY loves in the world. It takes a back seat to my family, friends, mental and physical health.
Don’t get me wrong. If the opportunity came along to travel and make music, I would not hesitate to do it. I wouldn’t even look back. But the important thing is to keep an open mind on that venture. The important thing is to live in the moment and not let it get in the way of life. As was the previous case, I let it stifle me…and precisely for those reasons.
It was as if I was trying to please everyone but myself in that pursuit; and at the same time, I was selfish about it. “Why am I living a life where I constantly contradict myself,” I asked. It came to the point where I could no longer write lyrics without some depressing undertone. It was either that or I was writing songs about music. I should have been making music about the things that interest me. I should have been accumulating knowledge and keeping an open mind and trying new things. I realize now that music is a medium for me to communicate those things. I want to write about what matters to me, the things that affect the world; and not in some holier than thou, preachy type of way, but in such a way that I can relate to even the loneliest, most insignificant creature on this earth, sans pressure. I don’t want to exclude people, I want to include them. But in order to do that, I need to open myself up to them...you.
For some, music is life. I’m not knocking that. Everyone has a different truth. Mine has yet to be found, but I’m happy to say that next time I make an album or join a band, it will be for the pleasure of it. It will not be a one-track mind endeavor. I will not let myself fixate on the notion of success, because from what I’ve experienced, it has made me miserable.
To my friends, I’m sorry I disappeared for awhile. I’m beginning to wake up from this dark, dingy sleep. And I think I’m almost ready to try again.
– Stella Donna